WWF WrestleMania XIII

Prior to the first match, Vince voices-over footage from WWF Championship Wrestling dated August 1975 with the original Blackjacks—Lanza and Mulligan.

Backstage, Todd Pettengill interviews the New Blackjacks. Bradshaw has quite the handlebar mustache.

Match 1 (elimination): Doug Furnas & Philip LaFon versus the Godwinns (w/ Hillbilly Jim) versus the Blackjacks versus the Headbangers

This was a #1 contender’s match for the WWF tag team titles.
Expectedly, an eight-way brawl broke out at the onset.
Upon reversing an Irish whip, Henry clotheslined Bradshaw.
Thrasher tagged in but ate a big boot from Bradshaw.
After Bradshaw gave Thrasher a pump-handle slam, he tagged in Phineas.
While Phineas backdropped Thrasher, he tagged in Mosh to face his partner.
They performed their dance then tagged in LaFon.
After a double flapjack by the Headbangers, LaFon came back with a snap suplex to Mosh.
He then gave Mosh a spinning back kick, but Mosh tagged in Windham.
Immediately, LaFon hooked a Northern Lights suplex on Windham for 2.
Furnas tagged in and gave Windham a huracanrana for 2.
When he made a second attempt, Windham countered with a powerslam.
He then gave Furnas a leg drop and tagged in Bradshaw.
After the Blackjacks gave Furnas a double shoulder block, Bradshaw missed a lariat.
Furnas then dropkicked Bradshaw out of the ring.
With Bradshaw on the apron, he gave Furnas a Windham-assisted vertical suplex to the floor.
Bradshaw then briefly distracted referee Mike Chioda so that Windham could nail Furnas on the floor. SNEAKY!
While the Blackjacks along with LaFon and Furnas brawled outside the ring, Bradshaw tossed down Chioda.
Asserting his authority, Chioda disqualified Windham, Bradshaw, LaFon, and Furnas.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
In the ring, Henry slammed Thrasher and delivered an elbow drop.
Since Chioda was outside the ring, Henry earned a false pin.
After Henry slammed Thrasher again, he slammed Phineas atop Thrasher for 2.
Phineas then rang Thrasher’s bell and delivered a vertical suplex for only 2 thanks to a save by Mosh.
As Henry gave Thrasher a cross-corner whip, he applied the brakes and shoved Thrasher back into it back-first.
Phineas tagged in as the popcorn sales exploded at the concession stands.

After Phineas gave Thrasher a cross corner whip, he followed with a corner clothesline.
Henry tagged in, splashed Thrasher, and got 2.
When Mosh tagged in, Henry gave him a clothesline sending both wrestlers over the top rope to the floor.
Mosh then guillotined Henry using the top rope and hit a springboard clothesline returning Henry to the floor.
As Thrasher mounted the top turnbuckle, the Headbangers gave Henry a Rocket Launcher. All hail the Midnight Express!
Thrasher tagged in, and the Headbangers delivered a double clothesline to Henry.
Upon mounting the top turnbuckle, Thrasher missed a moonsault.
Hot tag Phineas.
When Phineas attempted the Slop Drop to Mosh, Thrasher clotheslined him.
Hillbilly Jim then distracted Chioda while Mosh mounted the top turnbuckle, hit a senton splash, and pinned Phineas.
The Headbangers won.

Summary: While the purpose of this match was to elevate the Headbangers, the Rosemont faithful couldn’t care less.

Prior to the next match, Honkytonk Man makes an appearance. Also, Captain Lou Albano and Arnold Skaaland are shown sitting next to Tony Atlas.

Match 2 for the WWF Intercontinental title: Rocky Maivia (champion) versus the Sultan (w/ Bob Backlund & the Iron Sheik)

As Ross made an inside joke about Lawler’s cousins, Honkytonk Man joined the broadcast table for this match.
Sultan reversed a cross corner whip, but Maivia exploded out of the corner with a clothesline.

After a pair of Maivia dropkicks sent him between the ropes to the floor, Sultan dragged Maivia with him to the floor.
When Maivia tried to clothesline Sultan, he missed Sultan and HIT THE POLE.
Sultan then clotheslined Maivia in the ring and booted him in the Johnson.

After another clothesline, Sultan got 2.
While the Rosemont faithful chanted “Rocky sucks,” Sultan put a knee into Maivia’s midsection.
He then delivered a backbreaker, mounted the top turnbuckle, and hit a diving head butt for another 2.
As Maivia attempted a sunset flip, Sultan choked him to his feet and delivered a belly-to-belly suplex for almost 3.
Shortly after, a double clothesline put both wrestlers down on the mat.
Maivia came back with another dropkick and delivered his own belly-to-belly suplex for 2.
Next, he gave Sultan a float-over DDT, mounted the top turnbuckle, and hit a cross body block.
Unfortunately for Maivia, the Iron Sheik got up on the apron to distract referee Earl Hebner.
Sultan then gave Maivia a thrust kick for 2.
Afterward, he delivered a piledriver for another 2.
Upon escaping a slam, Maivia rolled up Sultan.
1-2-3.
Maivia retained.

After the match, Ross interviews Maivia at ringside, but Sultan interrupts to nail Maivia. He then grabs the IC belt and wallops Maivia with it. Upon tossing Maivia back into the ring, Sultan mounts the top turnbuckle and splashes him. The Iron Sheik then hooks the camel clutch on Maivia until Rocky Johnson, Maivia’s father, hits the ring on his behalf.

As Johnson assisted his son, Sultan HAMMERS him with the Iranian flag. He then rips Johnson’s shirt off until Maivia knocks him out of the ring. After Maivia slams the Iron Sheik, Johnson follows suit. The heels then scatter as father and son embrace and celebrate victory.

Backstage, Pettengill interviews Shamrock. We then revisit RAW is WAR from last Monday when Shamrock made Gunn tap out. Confidently, Shamrock states that he’ll not be intimidated.

After nailing Helmsley with an uppercut, Goldust gave him the ten-punch count-along.
He then delivered an atomic drop followed by a clothesline sending Helmsley over the top rope to the floor.
Upon sliding to the floor, Goldust slapped Helmsley causing him to get tied up in the ropes.

Helmsley got free, but Goldust punted him.
As Goldust made Helmsley HIT THE POLE, he clotheslined him back into the ring.
Helmsley came back with a facebreaker knee smash, but Goldust powerslammed him.
When Goldust mounted the top turnbuckle, Helmsley caught and joined him.
Each wrestler then tried to block a superplex or front suplex until Helmsley front-suplexed Goldust to the floor.
While Helmsley mounted the top turnbuckle, he nailed Goldust on the way down for 2.
Helmsley then opened Goldust’s outfit, chopped, and stomped him.
Next, he gave Goldust a HARD cross corner whip injuring the back.
Upon giving Goldust another cross corner whip, Helmsley followed with a swinging neckbreaker for another 2.
He then hooked an abdominal stretch and hooked the top rope. Unfortunately for Helmsley, referee Mike Chioda made him break the hold.
After delivering a high knee, Helmsley almost got 3.
He then delivered a vertical suplex followed by a knee drop for yet another 2.
Regrettably, having Goldust’s outfit zipped open revealed that he had ZERO muscular definition in his pectoral area.
Goldust came back but received a DDT.
After a backslide, Goldust got 2.
He then hooked an inside cradle for another 2.
As Helmsley delivered a clothesline, he fell atop Goldust for 2.
Goldust then hit a cross body block for 2.
While both wrestlers hit a double clothesline, Helmsley got to his feet and mounted the top turnbuckle.
He then leaped but received a butt butt on the way down. That did NOT look crisp.
With Goldust in the corner, Helmsley charged but came up empty.
Goldust then gave Helmsley a back drop and a cross corner whip that resulted in a Helmsley flip.
Following that, Goldust delivered a bulldog for 2.
He then attempted the Curtain Call as Chyna slowly stalked Marlena.
As Helmsley attempted the Pedigree, Goldust countered with a catapult causing Helmsley to guillotine himself with the top rope.
Goldust again tried the Curtain Call but noticed Chyna next to Marlena.
To pull Marlena out of harm’s way, he lifted her to the apron.
Helmsley then put a knee into Goldust’s back sending Marlena directly into Chyna’s arms.

As Chyna rag-dolled her, Helmsley hit the Pedigree.
1-2-3.
Helmsley won.

After the match, a fallen Goldust checks on his injured wife and weeps over her condition. He then carries her backstage.

As the tag champions make their entrance, Ross interviews while trying to stir the pot, but the champs argue with him instead.

Match 4 for the WWF tag team titles: Owen Hart & the “British Bulldog” Davey Boy Smith (champions) versus Vader & Mankind (w/ Paul Bearer)

After Owen evaded a running body block by Vader, he delivered a spinning heel kick.
He then attempted a cross body block, but Vader caught and slammed him.
As Vader powerbombed Owen, he mounted the second turnbuckle, but Smith nailed him from the apron.
All four wrestlers were in the ring as Smith gave Vader and Mankind a double clothesline.
Next, Owen hit a dropkick knocking both Vader and Mankind down.
Smith tagged in and gave Mankind a HARD cross corner whip injuring the back.
Next, he delivered a delayed vertical suplex to Mankind.
Vader came in but received a suplex from Smith too.
As members of the Rosemont faithful chanted “Owen,” Vader low-bridged Smith sending him to the floor.
Mankind then tried to nail Smith with the urn, but Smith countered with a drop toehold on the floor. Clever!
While Smith brawled with Mankind, Vader HAMMERED him with the urn.
Back in the ring, Vader delivered a vertical suplex to Smith for 2.
He then gave him a cross corner whip followed by an avalanche.
Afterward, he mounted the second turnbuckle and splashed Smith for another 2.
Mankind tagged in as some members of the Rosemont faithful chanted “Bull-dog.”
With Smith’s head between the second and bottom rope, Mankind gave him a leg drop from the apron.
He then delivered a back drop and tagged in Vader.
After a running body block, Vader mounted the second turnbuckle, leaped, but received a powerslam from Smith.
Lukewarm tag.

Owen then mounted the top turnbuckle and hit a missile dropkick to Vader.
As Vader reversed an Irish whip, Owen hooked a sunset flip.
When Vader tried to SQUISH him, Owen got out of Dodge.

Not THAT Dodge!
He then mounted the top turnbuckle, hit a cross body block, and got 2 on Vader.
When Vader destroyed Owen with a running body block, he tossed Owen outside the ring.
Smith then distracted referee Jack Doan while Vader and Mankind executed the Demolition Decapitation on the floor to Owen.
From the apron, Mankind and Owen fought over a suplex until Mankind guillotined him using the top rope.
Vader then made Owen taste the steel railing. It must have tasted like the Giuseppe panini at Shoeless Joe’s Ale House.
As they returned to the ring, Owen countered a swinging neckbreaker with a DDT.
He then attempted a splash but ate knees.
When Mankind gave Owen a cross corner whip, it resulted in a sternum-first bump.
Mankind then collided with Owen and received spinning heel kick #2 for a 2-count.
Interestingly, Vince rattled off PPV shows from Rosemont such as The Wrestling Classic and Summerslam. Wait a minute! Summerslam ’94 emanated from the United Center, Vince.

After Owen escaped a vertical suplex attempt, he gave Vader spinning heel kick #3.
Vader then delivered an elbow drop to Owen’s back for 2.
As Mankind tagged in, he tossed Owen outside the ring, but Owen hit a belly-to-belly suplex on the floor. His parents, Stu and Helen Hart, witnessed it from the front row.
Back in the ring, Owen gave Mankind an enziguri and made the hot tag.
Smith then gave Mankind a back elbow and rammed him sternum-first into opposite top turnbuckles.
While Smith attempted the running powerslam, Mankind countered with the Mandible Claw.
All four wrestlers were in the ring as Vader gave Owen running body block #2.
After Owen fell into them, Mankind and Smith spilled out of the ring.
On the floor, Mankind reapplied the Mandible Claw until referee Jack Doan counted both he and Smith out.
Owen and Smith retained.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Summary: Crappy finish to a decent match. Unfortunately, since both teams were heels, the majority of the Rosemont faithful didn’t have a dog in the fight.

After the match, Owen tries to pull Mankind off Smith, but Vader nails him. Vader then rams Owen shoulder-first into the steps. Finally, officials pull Mankind off the barely conscious Smith.

Ken Shamrock was the special guest referee for this match.
While Austin made his entrance from backstage, a sheet of black glass with “Austin 3:16” written on it collapses. Neat visual!

Bret entered the ring, but Austin tackled him.
As they spill outside the ring, Bret made Austin HIT THE POLE.
Austin then blocked a vertical suplex and crotched Bret on the steel railing. OUCH!
Next, he clotheslined him into the front row in front of Tony Atlas and Captain Lou Albano.
Austin then followed and made him taste the steel railing. It must have tasted like the Sanducci at the Ram Restaurant & Brewery.
When they brawled amongst the Rosemont faithful, Austin guillotined Bret using the hockey board wall. Hold on! I didn’t hear Bret say “check please.”
Bret came back and made Austin taste the same wall. I wonder if it tasted like the Great Wall of Chocolate at P. F. Chang’s.

Regardless, Bret brought Austin up the steps of the lower level. When Austin tried to piledrive Bret on the concrete steps, Bret countered with a back drop.
They then made their return to ringside as Bret vaulted Austin over the steel railing.
Upon climbing the steel railing, Bret gave Austin a forearm smash.

Austin then reversed an Irish whip sending Bret shoulder-first into the steps.
Currently wearing a knee brace on his left knee, Austin flipped Bret off and leaped from the apron to nail him.
Austin then dislodged the top step to wallop him, but Bret kicked him in the midsection.
Using momentum, Austin rammed Bret back-first into the ring post.
Back in the ring, Bret delivered a swinging neckbreaker, mounted the second turnbuckle, and hit a flying elbow smash.
Bret then worked on Austin’s leg until Austin responded with a Stone Cold Stunner.
Using wrestling knowledge instead of poor comedy, Lawler pointed out that if knocked unconscious, Bret couldn’t submit. Foreshadowing, perhaps?
Bret then hooked the ring post figure-four leg lock to a raucous ovation.

Although Austin wouldn’t submit, Bret grabbed the timekeeper’s bell in addition to a steel chair and brought them into the ring.
He then placed the steel chair around Austin’s left ankle similar to Austin’s attack on Brian Pillman back on 10/22/96.

When Bret mounted the top turnbuckle, Austin stood up and CROWNED him with the steel chair.
He then WALLOPED Bret in the back with it.
After a slam, he gave Bret a cross corner whip and a vertical suplex.
He then mounted the second turnbuckle and hit an elbow smash.
Afterward, he delivered a side Russian leg sweep followed by a cross arm breaker.
Bret wouldn’t submit so Austin hooked a Boston crab.
When Bret wouldn’t submit, Austin attempted a Sharpshooter, but Bret raked his eyes.
Once again, Lawler interestingly pointed out the rare instance when a wrestler submits to his own finishing hold. Even more fascinating was that Vince affirmed it.
Austin then sent Bret between the ropes to the floor to a mixed reaction from the Rosemont faithful.
As Bret reversed an Irish whip, he sent Austin flying into the timekeeper’s table.
Austin was BUSTED OPEN!
To further Austin’s bleeding, Bret made him taste the steel railing. Waiter, could you give the bleeding bald wrestler a grilled Harris Ranch sirloin steak please?
Bret then rammed Austin face-first into the steps and made him HIT THE POLE again.
Back in the ring, Bret delivered a backbreaker, mounted the second turnbuckle, and hit an elbow smash.
He then took the steel chair and nefariously ANNIHILATED Austin’s left knee.
When Bret attempted a Texas Cloverleaf, Austin raked his eyes.
Bret then nailed him in the corner until Austin kicked a FIELD GOAL on him. YEE-OUCH!

As Bret regained his feet, Austin gave him a cross corner whip resulting in a sternum-first bump.
He then placed Bret atop the top turnbuckle and delivered a superplex. Woohoo!
Upon tossing Bret to the apron, Austin procured an extension cord, wrapped it around Bret’s throat, and hanged him.
Bret then grabbed the aforementioned bell from the apron and cracked Austin’s skull with it to escape.
Following that, Bret hooked the Sharpshooter but Austin wouldn’t submit.
In a remarkable visual, Austin powered out, but Bret reapplied it.

Austin then passed out from the pain causing Shamrock to call for the bell.
Bret won, but Austin did not say “I quit.”

Summary: Incredibly spectacular match that told a story that is still told today. Check this out ASAP!

After the match, Bret receives cheers from the Rosemont faithful. He then attacks Austin until Shamrock forcibly pulls him off. When Shamrock challenges him, Bret backs down and leaves to a chorus of boos. Referee Billy Silverman then attempts to help Austin but receives a Stone Cold Stunner instead. While Ross sings his praises, Austin limps backstage to the tune of “Austin, Austin.”

All three members of the broadcast table fawn over the courage, bravery, and guts displayed by Austin.

As the NoD makes their entrance, Vince shills WrestleMania XIV from Boston, MA on 3/29/98. But will the WWF still be in business? Don’t ask Eric Bischoff!

Match 6 (Chicago street fight): Ahmed Johnson & the Road Warriors versus the Nation of Domination

Ahmed Johnson wore Road Warrior-style shoulder pads as the babyfaces made their entrance.

While the NoD brought a plethora of weapons, the Road Warriors actually brought the kitchen sink. HA!
As three members of the NoD exited the ring, three more entered only to get tossed around.
Clarence Mason then got up on the apron, but Johnson knocked him back to the floor.
When Faarooq hit Animal with the nightstick, Johnson delivered a somersault plancha over the steel railing into the front row. Wow!
Animal then rammed Faarooq face-first into the steps and nailed him with a trash can.
After tossing Crush back toward the ring, Johnson flew over the steel railing with a shoulder block.
He then took his turn using the trash can on Crush.
While Faarooq and Animal fought on the French broadcast table, Animal attempted a piledriver, but both wrestlers fell to the floor instead.
Crush then hit Johnson with the trash can as Vega nailed Hawk with a 2x4.
As the Rosemont faithful chanted “L-O-D,” Animal shot off the fire extinguisher at Faarooq.
After Vega crowned both Hawk and Johnson with a trash can, he rammed Hawk face-first into a street sign.
Johnson then slammed Faarooq through the French broadcast table to a big ovation.
While the English broadcast team choked on fire extinguisher fumes, the NoD tied a noose around Johnson’s neck while Mason pulled it. How dastardly!
Hawk then double-clotheslined Faarooq and Vega while Johnson punted a 50-yarder between D’Lo Brown’s legs. YEE-OUCH!
When Animal WALLOPED Faarooq with a street sign, Johnson unsuccessfully crotched Vega on the steel railing.
While Vega and Johnson fought in the front row, Faarooq tried to hang Hawk but got BRAINED with the street sign by Animal.
Faarooq then hanged Hawk with the noose while on the top turnbuckle, but Hawk pulled the rope sending Faarooq all the way down to the floor. According to Meltzer, Faarooq more than likely separated his shoulder taking this bump.
Nevertheless, Vega rammed Hawk face-first into the timekeeper’s table as Hawk shot off the fire extinguisher again.
Johnson then gave Faarooq a spinebuster while a melee broke out in the ring.
Next, the Road Warriors gave Crush the Doomsday Device.
The babyfaces then used a 2x4 to clothesline Crush.
1-2-3.
Johnson and the Road Warriors won.

Summary: If you like garbage matches with almost zero wrestling, then this is the match for you. Otherwise, it was a convoluted mess.

After the match, Johnson gives Brown a spinebuster and follows with a Pearl River Plunge. The Road Warriors and Johnson then give both members of PG-13 the Doomsday Device. Woohoo! Boost the match an extra ½* for that.

After Michaels makes his entrance, Pettengill interviews Sid backstage. The flip-flopping between his screaming and whispering must drive a sound engineer crazy.

While Michaels joined the broadcast table for this match, he took a lap around the ring, and pantomimed the nWo “4 life” gesture with his head.
Sid and Undertaker stood face-to-face in the ring when Bret came to the ring.
He then got on the microphone and referred to Michaels as a “phony little faker.” Next, he badmouthed Undertaker for slamming the cage door on his face last week on RAW is WAR. Afterward, he called Sid a “fraud.” Sid responded by powerbombing him and telling Bret to “get (his) whiny ass outta here.”
While Sid got too cocky with the microphone, Undertaker ambushed him from behind.
Sid then reversed a cross corner whip but ate boot on his follow-through.
With Sid still in the corner, Undertaker delivered an avalanche.
He then slammed Sid and got 2.
Next, he gave Sid the ropewalk shoulder smash, attempted another avalanche, but Sid caught and hooked a bear hug.
While the Rosemont faithful chanted “rest in peace,” Michaels and Lawler jawed with one another.
Sid continued to work on the back and reapplied the bear hug.
Undertaker escaped by ringing Sid’s bell, he ate a big boot coming off the ropes.
Sid then shoved Undertaker over the top rope, but Undertaker landed on his feet.

When Undertaker tried to pull Sid out of the ring, Sid kicked Undertaker into the Spanish broadcast table.
Sid then joined and guillotined Undertaker using the steel railing twice.
Following that, he slammed Undertaker on the Spanish broadcast table.
He then rammed Undertaker back-first into the ring post, tossed him back in, and got 2.
Upon mounting the second turnbuckle, Sid hit a double axe handle.
then reversed an Irish whip and delivered a powerslam for another 2.
As Sid delivered a leg drop, he almost got 3.
He then missed a clothesline, but Undertaker didn’t.
When Undertaker used momentum to send Sid outside the ring, he tossed him over the steel railing into the front row.
He then rammed Sid face-first into the steps and tossed him back in.
Shortly after, Undertaker hit a powerslam for 2.
As the Rosemont faithful grew antsy, Undertaker clotheslined Sid for another 2.

Both wrestlers then delivered a big boot sending both down to the mat.
Again, Sid mounted the second turnbuckle and hit another double axe handle.
After mounting the second turnbuckle a third time, Sid hit a clothesline for 2.
For the fourth time, Sid mounted the second turnbuckle, leaped, but Undertaker nailed him in the midsection.
Sid then slammed Undertaker, mounted the top turnbuckle, but Undertaker crotched him.
He then slammed Sid down to the mat, mounted the top turnbuckle, and delivered a lariat.
Do we have a new champion?
1-2-NO!
When Undertaker signaled for the tombstone, Sid countered with one of his own but only got 2.
He then tossed Undertaker between the ropes to the floor.
With both wrestlers on the floor, Bret returned and DESTROYED Sid with a pair of chair shots to the back.
Officials then ushered Bret backstage as Undertaker rammed Sid back-first into the ring post.
Upon tossing Sid back in, he gave Sid a chokeslam for a dramatic 2.
After Sid reversed an Irish whip, Undertaker whiffed on a cross body block.
Sid then attempted the powerbomb, but Bret made his third appearance in the match.
While Bret guillotined Sid using the top rope, Undertaker delivered the tombstone.
1-2-3.
WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!

Summary: Screwy finish with Bret’s interference, but Undertaker won the WWF title for the second time nonetheless.

After the match, Undertaker holds the belt high in the air while thanking the Rosemont faithful. As “thunder” rolls, Undertaker poses under the ultraviolet light.

Conclusion: With the unbelievable submission match between Bret and Austin as well as Undertaker’s title victory, this show is a must-see; however, the rest of the show is fair to middling at best. You have been warned.