Live from Tupelo, MS

Airdate: March 24, 1996

Attendance: 9,000 (7,300 paid)

Hosted by Tony Schiavone, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, and the “American Dream” Dusty Rhodes

To say I’m feeling trepidatious about reviewing this show considering all the negative criticism surrounding it would be putting it mildly. But, I aim to please my readership and will saunter through this show accordingly.

Prior to the first match, Tony picks on Bobby for wearing a leather jacket. Apparently, Flair, Heenan and Okerlund were late getting to the show from Memphis, so Heenan had no time to get decked out.

Match 1 for the US title: Konnan (champion) versus Eddie Guerrero


Rating: ****

Summary: Bad finish to a great match. Check this out ASAP.

Back in the locker room “Mean” Gene Okerlund shills Compuserve. Currently the Giant is requesting a whole turkey for dinner chatting with the fans. Gene then interviews Colonel Parker with Slater as Parker claims to be a rooster. I hope Madusa doesn’t hurt his cock-a-doodle-doo too much.

Match 2: Lord Steven Regal (w/ Jeeves) versus the Belfast Bruiser


Rating: *1/2

Summary: Bartender, make the matches like you make my drinks…stiff! This match certainly epitomizes that. If you want to watch a fight rather than a wrestling match, this contest is for you. Other than the violence involved, I didn’t enjoy this much. Hopefully they’ll put on a better match the next time they face one another.

Back in the locker room, Gene interviews the Giant with Jimmy Hart.

While the broadcast team previews the next match, Heenan makes misogynistic jokes.

Back in the locker room, Gene shills the hotline teasing the Bret Hart possible retirement rumors. He then interviews Loch Ness. The extra-large man is pissed that Jimmy Hart removed him from the Doomsday match because he wants a piece of Hogan. Instead he’ll get a piece of the Giant possibly with some bacon on the side. Gene makes a dentist joke, and Loch Ness stares a hole right through him. Yikes!

Match 3: Madusa versus Colonel Robert Parker (w/ “Dirty” Dick Slater)


Rating: *

Summary: Parker was game for a goofy woman versus man match. Madusa didn’t do too poorly here.

Backstage, Lee Marshall is ready to interview John Nord and “Flapjack” Norton…wait a minute! Before the interview takes place, the strategy for the Doomsday match is written on the blackboard behind Marshall. Kayfabe? What’s that? Anyways, Marshall interviews the Road Warriors as Hawk mispronounces the medical term for brain stem. I know what it is, but I refuse to spell it.

Prior to the next match, Tony shills Slamboree on May 19th featuring the return of Battlebowl!

Let’s set the record straight before this next match. As I stated in week 28, Johnny B. Badd quit WCW because he wanted to get paid even if he got hurt. Instead he should have called AFLAC. Anyways, the Booty Man (Ed Leslie/Brutus Beefcake), in yet another gimmick after yet another face turn, replaces him. My sympathies go out to DDP for the upcoming match.

Match 4: The Booty Man (w/ the Booty Girl) versus Diamond Dallas Page


Rating: DUD

Summary: Worst DDP match ever. I thought he plotted out matches move-by-move, but perhaps Leslie called this match. Anyways, run, don’t walk, far away from this match.

After the match, the Booty Man plants one on the Booty Girl. Since DDP is retired, perhaps he can start his own yoga thing.

Back In the locker room, Gene interviews Luger with Jimmy Hart. This is the last match that Hart will manage Luger. In tribute, Hart gives Luger his Luger jacket for his trophy case. Afterwards, Luger stammers through his promo. Perhaps he heard his music on RAW last week and still can’t believe it.

Match 5: The Giant (w/ Jimmy Hart) versus Loch Ness


Rating: DUD

Summary: No disrespect for the dead intended, but Loch Ness did the job and went back home. RIP Martin Ruane.

Backstage, Marshall gives away the finish to the main event interviews Sting and Booker T. There’s less grease in a McDonald’s Big Mac than on Sting’s body here. In the meantime, Booker T supplies the phrases “on like neckbone” and “chicken wing on a string” for those that enjoy that sort of thing.

Match 6 (Chicago street fight): The Road Warriors versus Sting and Booker T


Rating: ***

Summary: While exciting and entertaining, this was too long of a match for these guys. To top it off, delicacies from Café 212 and ball shots were on special throughout the match. In fact, they practically got everything on the menu. The good news from this match was that Booker T belonged in the ring with them as opposed to the mid-card doldrums.

After the match, Stevie Ray lays out Animal with a chair in the catering area.

OK, if you’re still reading, please turn off the reflection now. You’ve been warned.

You’re still here. OK…you asked for it.

Match 7 (Doomsday cage): Hulk Hogan and “Macho Man” Randy Savage versus “Nature Boy” Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, the Taskmaster, Lex Luger, Meng, the Barbarian, Z Gangsta, and… (w/ Jimmy Hart, Woman, and Elizabeth)


Rating: DUD

Summary: This chaotic mind-numbing mess gets nothing and is forced to like it. What a stupid idea for a match. I can’t believe people paid to watch this.

Conclusion: In spite of the really good US title match, I NEVER, EVER want to watch this show again as long as I live! This was IYH IV-level of bad. If you ever have the inclination to watch this show, STOP, look around, and find something better to do. Nitro MUST be better than this. Get Hogan off my TV!

See you for Monday Night War week 29!

Buyrate: 0.70

Comments? Suggestions? Send them to me at rsg@rockstargary.com and follow me on Twitter (@rockstargary202).

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